Oct. 25, 2021

The young and enthusiastic bride and groom-to-be, ecstatic about the impending wedding and marriage, as well as the joy it will bring. After three to six months, reality sets in, and both spouses understand that marriage is not a simple endeavour that requires a lot of effort and patience.


The following are some suggestions for both wives and husbands to make the process a bit less overwhelming and to maximise the numerous benefits that can be had in such a wonderful and complex partnership.

Renew your marriage by entering it with the right intentions. Often

In order to receive Allah's grace and blessings, both couples should enter the marriage with the only aim of pleasing Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala. The marriage becomes an act of worship in and of itself, for which both spouses will be rewarded.

Allah will be happy with them, and this will be the most important factor in ensuring marital peace, stability, and pleasure. It's also crucial to remember that when doing an act of worship over a lengthy period of time, it's vital to renew one's purpose on a regular basis in order to stay on the right track and reap the greatest benefit.

Keep in mind that in Islam, your spouse is also your brother or sister.

Too frequently, Muslims treat others with kindness and honesty outside of the home, but treat their own spouses in a completely different way. Muslims should always consider that their spouse is also a Muslim brother or sister, and that the rights and responsibilities that apply to the Muslim brotherhood (sisterhood) as a whole should also apply to their marriage connection. Obviously, a spouse has rights above these, but there should be a clear knowledge of and devotion to the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood).

Expectations that are unrealistic should be avoided.

People frequently have high expectations of their future spouse before they marry, expecting perfection in all areas. This rarely, if ever, happens in practise, and it might cause unwarranted problems and concerns. We must remember that Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, created us as flawed beings, which means that we will make numerous mistakes throughout our lives. We will be pleasantly surprised and happy when our partner is much more than we ever hoped for if we turn the table and expect imperfection. This, in turn, will lead to a sense of fulfilment in the marriage.

Emphasize the positive aspects of your partner.

Because no one has all of the best attributes, the focus should be on the positive traits that a partner possesses. Encouragement, praise, and thankfulness should be conveyed frequently to reinforce these traits and aid in the development of others. As the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said, an endeavour should be made to overlook or dismiss bad features "A believing male should have no ill feelings against a believing lady. He may despise one aspect of her, but he may find something else appealing." (Muslim)

Become your best friend's best friend.

Consider what a best friend is and try to be one to your spouse. This could include sharing common hobbies, life experiences, dreams, failures, and disappointments. It could entail learning about a spouse's preferences and dislikes and making every effort to please him or her. A best friend is typically someone in whom one can confide, trust, and rely. A spouse should be the kind of buddy you'd like to keep for the rest of your life.

Spend Quality Time With Your Partner

It is insufficient to share meals, tasks, and small talk. Couples should set aside time to work on improving their relationship. Frequently, couples become preoccupied with their own distinct chores and neglect to work on one of life's most crucial aspects. A calm, insightful talk, a wonderful lengthy nature walk, or sharing a specific interest or endeavour are all examples of quality time. Distractions should be kept to a minimal and both partners should appreciate the particular option picked.

Feelings Should Be Expressed Frequently

Although this is a highly "Western" concept that some people may struggle to implement, it is critical to be transparent and upfront about one's feelings, both positive and bad. Communication should be open at all times, and any issues should indeed be brought to the other spouse's attention as soon as they emerge. The reasoning behind this is that what starts out as a minor issue can quickly escalate into a large issue if not treated properly. Nothing has ever been cured by "silent therapy."

Accept Responsibility for Your Mistakes and Ask for Forgiveness

We should forgive our spouses in the same way that we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes. The better person is the one who can acknowledge when he or she is wrong, ask for forgiveness, and strive to improve the areas of his or her personality that need to change. There would be little progress in a marriage if one partner refuses to do so.

Never Bring Up Previous Mistakes

Being reminded of past mistakes can be extremely painful for another person. It is typically forbidden in Islam to concentrate on the past. It is possible to recall mistakes made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done frequently. We are certainly not in a position to pass judgement on another individual as humans. Advice may be offered, but it must not be damaging.

At times, we like to surprise each other.

Bringing home a tiny gift or flowers, cooking a special dinner, dressing up and adorning oneself (not just for ladies), or sending a secret note in a lunchbox are all examples of this. Here, a little creativity will go a long way. The goal is to keep things interesting in the marriage and prevent falling into a rut that could harm it.

Possess a wry sense of humour

This element can go a long way toward preventing disagreements and enhancing the home's mood. Life is a never-ending series of problems and tests, and approaching them with a sense of humour will make the journey go more smoothly and enjoyably. You can also discover that your spouse appreciates this trait and looks forward to spending time with you as a result of it.

Quick Tips for Disagreements and Discussions:

Begin with the goal of resolving the problem. It is more likely that a satisfactory resolution will occur if both couples have this aim and plan to consult together.

It's important to remember that it takes two to quarrel. There will be no argument if only one person chooses not to argue. Typically, the one who is incorrect performs the majority of the talking.

It is not acceptable for both spouses to be enraged at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes agitated, it is preferable if the other maintains a calm and collected demeanour.

Unless the house is burning down, never scream at each other. Of course, house fires don't happen very often; yelling should happen at a similar rate.

Never go to bed with an unresolved disagreement. This is one of the most damaging things that can happen to a marriage and should be avoided at all costs. This permits hurt sentiments and thoughts to fester, exacerbating the situation.

If only one of you needs to win, make it your partner. Do not put your concentration on winning for yourself; this is the primary cause of heated debates

SR Munshi

SR Munshi is a published author at Muslim Marriage Bureau Gujarat. A writer by day and a reader by night, he's passionate about topics that pertain to Islamic traditions, culture, and history.